Friday, June 29, 2012

My guilty.


Above two images - avles beluskes aka Edoardo Roncelli. In any case I prefer avles or Avles [I prefer little 'a' instead the Maritime Admiralty capital 'A' which is also similar to a pyramid or Masonic triangle]. Between freedom fighter, partisans etc. there was tradition to choose a nickname. And who is the archetype of those partisans? Avles Beluskes is the name of a Raseni ruler (Raseni were nicknamed by the Romans as "Etruscan"), at a Raseni grave in Vetulonia, of the 7th or 6th century b.C.  - Avles Beluskes as symbol of the eternal struggle against Rome [see the image of the grave above mine. Inscription (translated with the help of various Slovenian dialects and other Slavic languages: Avles Beluskes here rests in peace/he governed till he expired/may in the sky the tribulation of his conscience vanish].

Its my guilty

What I call a "relation" is not to understand in the usual common way. People who survived concentration camps nearly called "champagne" a simple glass of bright water. Similarly for me, and with the appropriate proportions, to have the possibility of thirty seconds exchange of kind words with a kind exponent of the other half of the world, is just a "glass of champagne" or, for me: a relation. I don't use the expression “love” because too much suffered in the name of this word in my life. I prefer the Slovenian “te imam zelo zelo zelo rad” /”I'm very very very fond of you” [no, the triple “z”/”v” is not an occult message].

I never saw that person privately for a coffe or a glass of wine, together in a pub or gostilna/restaurant. I don't have her phone number or mail address. Simply that person was kind with me when all the universe was pressing on my heart. I could put on the other plate of this satanic balance on which my life is hanged only the thin feather of her smile and of her voice. And just only the infinite lightness of that feather could alleviate at least for an instance the monstrous weight squeezing my heart and my soul.

It happens that sometimes depression and thought of death are so strong that you are not the full master of your actions. You write to Douglas Willinger an mention to him about all the universe on your heart and it is unavoidable that you involve also that beautiful feather and a sense of disillusion even in front of that. Of course Douglas Willinger could absolutely not imagine the below truth and he publishes pieces of those mails written by me when life appeared to me black like a Jesuit's cloak.

Its my guilty if now that feather, that smile and that voice could have been forever fled away from me by the blow of my desperate idiocy. Painful, but this is only my guilty and of no one else.

But I fear that this is not the only guilty I'm carrying. This evening [I wrote this post on local evening 28th June] for the first time I read that pieces of mails I sent to Douglas Willinger and appearing in his blog, in a post I just watched before but without reading it. Suddenly I understood the sense of a news of the Slovenian tv news I watched an half an hour before. The Willinger's post Avles Beluskes Blogs Blocked - Buried , was published on 26th June, and contains the sequent piece of a mail I sent him as answer on the question about the reason of the disappearing of my blogs:

Jun 8, 2012
Re: What happened with Avles Beluskes?
…I 'm alone. I justcame home from the bar where I usually go , there there is a
student of university which was the only female with whom I had sometimes a little talk. The bar is (irony!) in front of the cultural center named to Srecko Kosovel , the...… ”

...and his post on me was followed only two days after, namely Thursday 28th June, by police investigation on the Student center of Koper, the capital of Primorje, for facts of corruption allegedly committed by the heads of the University Students organization:


Investigation of economic crime in the ŠOUP [Študentski organizaciji Univerze na Primorskem - Student organization of the University of Primorje - avles]
Investigators carried out house searches
28th June 2012 at 09:29,
the last intervention: 28 June 2012 at 20:20
Criminal investigation of suspected economic crime in the Student Organization of the University. Director of Student's organization Sebastian Kokl is pleased about the investigation.
 Above image - Sebastjan Kokl
"Koper criminal due to suspicion of several offenses of economic crime related to the operation of the legal person, carried out a house search at one location in Koper," the message from the Directorate Koper.

For several years, it is an informal talk that in the Student organization the money is flowing into private pockets, director Sebastian Kokl should also be suspected of abuse of authority, as communicated the correspondent for RTVS Eugenija Carl.

In front of Student's organization seat, Kokl said to have been visited today by investigators regarding the determination of "whether there are grounds for suspecting that it had done anything wrong." The bulk of the documentation, said Kokl, has been voluntarily sent to the criminal investigators long ago.....”.
[the article follow at below page - (*)]

What can I say? It could be also ordinary businness of the SD center left party, where corruption doesn't know borders between left and right, between MP's members and the Student organization. But all that smells also to be the usual revenge by those clerical Roman Catholic inner circles of Slovenia against a Primorje always considered an “heretic” rebel. 

Maybe coordinated by the Janez Jansa ULTRAMONTANE government, seeking revenge with a certain ideological part of Slovenia, honest or corrupted doesn't too much matter here, but retained an OBSTACLE for the ULTRAMONTANE COUPE D'ETAT,  as implementation of the Jesuit revenge (Jesuits were expelled from Ljubljana from the end of war till the end of the fifties)? 

Therefore the alleged remote instigators/mastermind of such investigation could be the same religious forces who eighty years before welcomed the Slovenian brothers of Primorje escaping the Fascist Italy, with the offensive slogan “Nigger of the coast” (“Primorci – zamorci”)? 

Could it be that the words of archbishop Margotti [“my priesthood is half Protestant and riotous] are still echoing in Primorje? 

And that the words of that Slovene Socialist leader of Trieste exiled in Ljubljana in the early twenties, are today still and more true, that “clerical are clerical, liberals are clerical, socialists are clerical, all are clerical in inner Slovenia”

I could say all that and more, but the most important thing is that I feel as all that could be also my guilty, my only guilty and of no one else. 

 *   *   *

Above image - an ice star of paper

(*) [continue from above, article at the address:

Students reproached him negospodarnost

The Supervisory Board of the organization in November reaffirmed Kokl as the Director, after student members loosed him from the charge, accusing him of uneconomic behavior. Student organization ŠOUP received from student work in the year almost one million euros but for student activities there was paid just only € 160,000 [sixteen as remainder of XVI of Benedict XVI? - avles]. The remainder, 80 percent of the funds was doing to wages, material costs and rents.

In the re-appointment have emerged allegations that the competition was fitted for Kokl. Competition does not require either university degree candidates, as well as the notice is published only on the website of the Student organization ŠOUP, and this just before the holidays, 28 October.

It is because of all the rumors that Kokl says it is pleased with the visit of criminologists. In his view, this is the only way to be able to refute all the allegations. He announced that the police handed over the "all my documentation of my financial management and all the benefits that I received."

Problems on the portal

Kokl is also a director of governing eponymous portal, in 2010, the Ministry of Culture required the return of the money they got for plurality of media, because it does not meet regulatory requirements. Co-owner of the is the MP's Luka Juri, while Kokl is the chairman of the Koper Committee's SD.

But denied that criminal investigators are interested in business, which he founded. "If there were anything wrong, I will, of course, answer," he said, adding that he hopes that in the opposite case this story will be closed.



vincent said...

May i have the right to suggest that, perhaps, to save your soul,you should give you the permission to go where your affinity is hidden by guilty. A gentleman as you doesn't lie with himself. Isn't repression one of the most crual catholic trick?
Sorry if this comment looks quite rustic..

avles said...

No is not rustic.
perhaps this is the most difficult path, and I fear that my defects and an entire life of continue defeats have defintively destroyed the ffinal conclusive part off that path. I'm forced to build a new one or die just in this instant.

vincent said...

I don't know if your personal life is a defeat, but you are a great writer, your perception and style are brillant and your courtesy very clever. Dandysm sometimes goes with a total lack of hope, but it is perhaps the moment to quit the tyranic father's imago.
With all my respect for your virile determination.

avles said...

Yes, repression, but guilty is important, is what divide us from the animals (who in their turns don't have the human evilness as balance). Rome manipulated what is at basis of guilty to build chains.

avles said...

<<..Its my guilty if now that feather, that smile and that voice could have been forever fled away from me by the blow of my desperate idiocy. ..>>.

No, is not idiocy, is destiny and the guilty is too much tied with destiny.

Just here stays the sense of guilty. And how else could have ended such story? Do you imagine an Avles Beluskes with a normal relation with a woman? Impossible. Raseni ("Etruscans") were counting the years remained to their civilization and had a strong sense of limit, of fatality, of destiny. Avles Beluskes is a ghost, and ghosts cannot have relations with other humans, cannot enjoy a caress or a hug, a kiss or a tender word, you cannot embrace or kiss the air, ghosts are condemned to roam without peace among the - and NOT with the living.
Until they realize they are ghosts and belongs to a disappeared world like happened to me this evening.


avles said...

<<....I don't know if your personal life is a defeat, but you are a great writer, your perception and style are brillant and your courtesy very clever. Dandysm sometimes goes with a total lack of hope, but it is perhaps the moment to quit the tyranic father's imago.
With all my respect for your virile determination.
v. .....>>

I forgot to puhlish this comment of Vincent. My guilty - I ask pardon.

avles said...

Jesuit order and his Continuing Counter Reformation is not an imago.

avles said...

<<.....BOAC Flight 911 (Speedbird 911) was a round-the-world flight operated by British Overseas Airways Corporation that crashed near Mount Fuji, Japan on 5 March 1966. The Boeing 707-436 operating this flight was commanded by Captain Bernard Dobson, 45, from Dorset, an experienced 707 pilot who had been flying these aircraft since November 1960.........>>

Interesting a timeline comparison with the carreer of Adolf Nicolàs, one of the two actual general superiors of the order:

<<......Adolfo Nicolás was born in Villamuriel de Cerrato, Palencia, and entered the Society of Jesus, more commonly known as the Jesuits, in the novitiate of Aranjuez in 1953.[1] He studied at the University of Alcalá, there earning his licentiate in philosophy, until 1960, whence he traveled to Japan to familiarize himself with Japanese language and culture. Nicolás entered Sophia University in Tokyo, where he studied theology, in 1964, and was later ordained to the priesthood on March 17, 1967........>>

avles said...

Is this a casual coincidence?

"..... 23rd August 2012:
".......UKC: Eight injured in critical condition, severe burns and fractures
The hot air balloon crash killed four people......"

avles said...

Vincent, I suggest to you to change blogger and argument, spectacle of “virile determination”, “great writing”, “dandysome style of life”, “courtesy style”, “perception and style”, etc. are absolutely not the central purpose of these blogs and his authors – maybe his purpose or better, sense of life, significantly have never been mentioned by you.

avles said...

His author is also not interested in psychoanalysis.

avles said...

"....Anders Breivik verdict: live
Anders Behring Breivik has been declared sane, and faces 21 years in prison for killing 77 people in twin attacks in Oslo and Utoya, a Norwegian court has judged. Live coverage. .....".

Another question: are you a psychiater or something similar?